Christmas Despatches

first_imgAs I addressed the nation, at the Star Christmas Party, I mentioned andthanked those, who had travelled a long way to be with us. I ignorantlyfailed to mention Tom Channel 4, who had come a very long way indeed, from aplace called Manchester. I am now taking the opportunity to formally thankMr Channel 4.It is now traditional, that Charlotte Loans is harrassed by a member of StarRacing Ltd, when attending any type of work function. It was the turn, atthis party, of Mr J Croxford, to step up to the mantle. As I informed allin my speech, Charlotte informed me, privately, at a recent function, thatshe doesn’t fancy ANYONE at work. I was also quite persistent when puttingher under this questioning. Mr J Croxford was unable to break this deadlockplaced, by Charlotte, on those employed by any, and all, of the Starcompanies.Will Stock-Broker came along, to allow us the benefit of his delicate andconsidered, but very entertaining humour. He was tactically placed on mytable by Pam Statements, as he had previously stated he doesn’t eatdesserts. Pam arranged for me to be able to help him in this hour of needand I was thus furnished with, not only a delicious apple and raspberrycrumble, but also a christmas pudding and custard. Thank you, Pam. Bothsuperb.Lukey Tarr made a very humorous post dinner speech regaling the mosthumourous moments of the year at Star. One of his chosen incidents wasrecounting my fury during the Black Caviar race at Royal Ascot. As you knowBlog, I have little or no interest in horse-racing unless the favourite isabout to lose, and this race proved no exception. At Royal Ascot, I time myvisits to the betting ring, so I won’t miss any of the food being laid outin the box. On arrival, back upstairs, as they started the big race, thedesserts had been brought out. I examined them, only to find that theafternoon’s offering was a coconut cheese-cake. ‘A coconutcheese-cake??!!’, I hear you WRETCH!!! YES, Blog!!! Well, I was,obviously, straight out onto the balcony, to confront Luke, regarding thisterrible error of menu choice he had imposed on myself and our guests. Ipulled him inside and gave him a good dressing down! He then threw ahissy-fit and told me I was disturbing the best race of the year. What aprimadonna!! I said I didn’t care if I was disturbing Red Rum’s comebackrace – coconut is disgusting!! He then informed me that this moment in timewas even bigger than that hypothetical event, in racing terms. Anyway, asfar as I’m concerned, if anything coconut is ordered in the box again, I’llbe disturbing peoples wedding nights and wives giving birth!!!On safe arrival back at the Grand Hotel, it has been brought to myattention, that several members of the staff organised for some extra temptype staff of their own, to come and put a couple of hours of work in.Afterwards, they resumed the party, back downstairs in the bar, and theirtemporary lady friends, too, I am told, joined in with the festivecelebrations. Apparently, the Star Army were doing an impromptu‘hokey-kokey’ dance, and one of the afore-mentioned ladies was next in line,and joined up to, Pam Statements’ mum! Unbelievable scenes Jeff!!!Back with the Elderly and Infirm; a couple of days after the ChristmasParty, the Male Dept. thought he’d chuck in some of his antics. In themiddle of the night, it came to him, that it would make things easier duringthe holiday period, and for the E & I’s impending cruise of the Canaries, ifhe chose to fall over and broke his pelvis. So he did so.Everyone then had the, not mild, aggravation of trapesing backwards andforwards to the Sussex County and then the Princess Royal, to continuallyvisit the Male Dept. Armed to the teeth, with copies of The Times, and anendless supply of reading material, to keep him entertained.My mum deserves a round of applause though. On Christmas Eve, it was clearto all that the old man was not going to be emerging for the big day. So,without any prompting, my mum left a stocking stuffed with presents, withFather Christmas, to be left at the end of my dad’s bed on ChristmasMorning. Mum, well played there, a lovely touch.I have escaped to Tenerife to enjoy some sun, and no doubt, as usual whenhaving a holiday, I expect I will also catch a sore-throat, in due course.Blog, I shall keep you posted on my hol and any other sore-throat-typedevelopments. I can feel one coming.Over and out, Ben xlast_img

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